Unicorn Stickers

***UNICORN STICKERS magically appeared in 2002 and weirded out the Bay Area Darkwave crowd to such an extent that the whole scene collapsed immediately. Many comfortable norms formed over the course of several thousand years suddenly vanished, leaving those caught in the crossfire naked, shattered, mohawked, and covered from head to toe in rainbow glitter and gold paint. When onlookers finally peeled their faces away from the pavement, they discovered that the entire world had become a video game. Some then turned to the Lord. Others to drugs, alcohol, and Atari. Music and clothing had been replaced by computers. Only faint beeping sounds remained. The band originally manifested as the wildly gesticulating insaniac "Basil Ganglia," animal print computer enthusiast "Josie Wailz," and trench-coated metallion "The Odor." The circumstances of their formation into a giant blue plasma wrecking ball that ionized much of the west coast in the early part of the 21st century are rather hazy. Details of their motives at the time have, however, come to light. It seems that the music and performance were part of an elaborate dance ploy. Sure enough, crazed men and women began gyrating crazily to spinny Mario Brothers gold coin winning noises and other unexpected yet somehow all-too-familiar transistorized oscillations. Apparently inspired by Dextromethorphan and boredom, Unicorn Stickers created music in their respective bedrooms—where batches of homemade CDs with hand-written designators were produced for distribution elsewhere at a later date. Until very recently, these items were the only rotating objects that would play Unicorn Stickers music. Soon there will be a full length vinyl record for sale that will do the same on a device that doesn't need lasers to translate minute surface irregularities into noise. A handy companion to any reasonably extensive collection of Bugs Bunny 45s, Winchell's Donut Halloween records and Battlestar Galactica VHS tapes, 33 rpm is recommended for listeners listening with ears that hear at the proper speed.